So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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