We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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