Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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