Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
