pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
