I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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