I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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