you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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