This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
