I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
