I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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