I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
