My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
