i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
