you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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