i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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