WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
