I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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