i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
