Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
