I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
