The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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