i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
