I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
