i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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