so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
