K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
