She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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