Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
