If that was your dad, he is hot
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
