On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
why do cheetos always look like penises
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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