As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
