She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
