are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
