i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
