Michael Bay diarrhea
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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