You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
