toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
