that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
