Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
