They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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