If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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