I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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