Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
