What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
