New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
