i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
