Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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