There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
