I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
